Abuse of Sexuality

*I originally wrote this under my alter-ego, but have decided to move it over here.*

          I got the opportunity to chat with Tina Anderson and Christina Heuer today and one of the many things we talked about was sexual abuse within the cult.  We talked about being silenced after trying to tell someone about the abuse and the fears that nag at the back of your mind as an adult.  We talked about how difficult it is to find people who understand the dynamic of being an abuse victim in the cult and being glad for those people who can’t understand.   As always, it got me to thinking…

Though the sexual abuse of children runs rampant throughout the IFB, something that came to mind is how most girls growing up in such an atmosphere end up with sexual dysfunction of some kind whether they were molested/raped or not.  Many of the post-traumatic stress symptoms overlap.   While talking, Mandy commented that though not all of us have been abused sexually, almost all of us have had our sexuality abused.  Through constant lectures about modesty, being forced to take responsibility for ‘keeping men’s thoughts pure’, putting up with ridicule if boys or men took ‘inappropriate interest’ in us, taught to believe that any kind of sexual interest was from the ‘pit of hell’ and so on, cast such a poor light on the image of the female body many women developed an extreme fear of men and sex.  For some, the fear is so overwhelming that even though the ideal dream was to grow up, get married to an up and coming preacher boy and raise a house full of children, the thought of ‘giving one’s body’ to her spouse was as disgusting to her as it was to sexual abuse and rape victims.

Being a survivor of sexual abuse is devastating.  On the outside however, when we start to share our stories there is validation, help and support.  People empathize with our pain, join us in our anger and encourage us in our quest for healing.  But what about all those who have had sexuality abused without having been abused sexually?  How many women carry around these deep wounds and believe it’s not important enough to talk about or seek help for?  And how many people, aside from IFB survivors are able to understand the dynamic behind the lies women have believed for so long?

Since Christina and I met, she has shared with me her fear of men and the panic she experienced every time she would consider getting married and having children.  She wants a family, but can’t get past a nagging belief that submitting to a husband would set her up for spousal rape.  Submission to the husband is set up as a type of submission to God.  I heard many sermons on the subject growing up.  From the moment we were old enough to understand, we were conditioned to blindly accept the fact that once married, the head of the household’s word was law.  So to refuse to sexually satisfy him would be to refuse a command from God. 

Survivors all across the country are breaking free from the religious aspects of the cult and finding tremendous freedoms!  But how many, though free from legalism and spiritual abuse, are still trapped because of the lies about sexuality?  It’s not an easy subject do discuss.  Even after gaining a solid understanding that so much of what we were taught was a pack of lies, discussing any type of sexual dysfunction usually brings with it shame, guilt and fear.

About a year ago, Jocelyn started calling the IFB a sex trafficking ring.  The way pedophiles are protected and shuttled from one place to another to avoid discovery and “damage the cause of Christ”, she’s absolutely right.  But I’ve come to believe it goes much deeper.  The destruction of women’s sexuality not only opens children up for abuse, but women and wives as well.  By abusing an individual’s sexuality, she is being groomed for sexual abuse; as silenced child or as a submissive wife.